Mother. Of. The. Year.
This mother of the year award does not involve a gorrilla, but it does involve this picture. Nasty.
Previous nominations for mother of the year include slamming Kai’s hand in the boot of the car (we had to open the boot to get his hand out), every time my kids eat dog food, every time I call the dogs to clean the kids’ clothes and that one time I caught them washing their hair with toilet water. Tonight I won again by showing them this picture.
For years now (literally years) I’ve been trying to get my kids to eat vegetables. I have made cute artsy pictures of cars and cats and unicorns on their plates, spending hours (OK minutes) to artfully arrange every kind of vegetable. I have begged. I have bribed them with chocolate (I promise, if you just taste it you will love it. Love I say!) I have closed down Spur, taken away toys and canceled play dates. The Achievement motivation was just not there. Until tonight, thank you Google.
A certain convenience store that I love and hate in equal measures now make butternut and beetroot ‘spaghetti’. In a desperate effort to get them to at least try this, I experienced a moment of brilliance (Ant Gifford, you sparked this moment of brilliance with your picture of camel teeth). At the time it felt like divine inspiration. I found the most disgusting teeth on the internet and told them that this is what would happen to their teeth if they did not eat the new spaghetti. “Red or yellow, you even get to choose” – these were my exact words, how evil. I swear that I had every intention to say “this will happen if you don’t eat healthy food” and at the end that little bit about this particular new spaghetti just found its way into my mouth all by itself. The rest of the evening went like this:
Kai: “will my teeth be super clean if I eat this”
Me: “super clean yes”
Kai: “super super clean?
Kai after taking a bite: “Is it still clean?”
Me: “beautiful my boy child”
Kai 30 seconds later: “and now?” (showing me his teeth again)
Bailey: “Can baby dinosaurs look down? Does bad teeth happen in our land?”
Me: “It can happen in any land and I’m not sure about baby dinosaurs”
Bailey: “Can it happen to boys and girls?”
Kai: “and now? (flashing teeth), is it still clean?”
It went on like this for nearly an hour and I’m sure they are currently dreaming about stinky, rotten teeth; huge gaping holes sitting black and scary against their perfect little smiles.
But hey, it worked. They wolved down that spaghetti like their teeth depended on it. And I used the opportunity to rattle down a whole list of things we will absoultely have to eat to prevent bad teeth..tomatoes, salad, fish oil, green beans.
In parenting sometimes the end does justify the means.
Please share your parent of the year award stories with me.
Ps. That picture was only one of a series and by far not the worst one I showed them, but I did not want to put you off from reading my blog, so I kept it decent-ish. There really are a lot of images out there that you can use, some with extremely bad hair & outfits too, which just adds to the discussion around life style choice and poor decision making skills. What was parenting before Google even like?