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Reasons I drink wine

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Let me start with the Flings. Or any food for that matter; food that I find everywhere. Stuffed into the deep dark corners of couches and car seats, under my pillow, inside toys and of course in the tupperware drawer. This is what my tupperware drawer looked like last week and it is what it looks like now. Except fresh Flings. I hope, because we eat it when we find ourselves hungry whilst playing on the floor.

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Because of the abuse that poor Beast suffers daily. Here you see the ‘tail-pull’ in action, it is a game of pulling Beast’s tail up and down repeatedly. Strange thing is that Beast seems to enjoy it. Kind of. He is either slightly masochistic or he has figured out that his tiny captors frequently hand out and drop delicious morsels of food (as well as hiding it in obscure places as seen above) and so this is him blatantly sucking up.

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Tantrums. My e-mail signature reflects my day job and underneath it I state my real job, which is ‘tantrum arbitrator’. People think I joke, but I am actually very, very serious. And I have become quite good at it, even if I say so myself. It is after all possible to pat oneself on the back with a glass of wine in the other hand, and that is what I am doing right now.

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“Look! Juice! I am randomly pouring it on your floor for no good reason”. I no longer buy juice. Can someone please tell me if those non-spill juice boxes are for real? Because if they are, I will purchase in bulk.

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I like to think of us as a family of non-biters. We don’t bite. But occassionaly my youngest push boundaries as younger siblings are bound to, and bites down very hard onto my finger, my shoulder or any other body part in the vicinity of her head. When I am nervous I laugh and this always makes me laugh. It comes out rather high-pitched while I shout and beg for her to ‘Let Go!!!”. She finds this hilarious. I’m not sure now if I can actually blame her for this atrocious behaviour….

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Urgh Bleh Pfffttt. This photo speaks for itself and I am sure you can all relate.

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I used this picture in my previous post as well. It is that big in my life. I call it the ‘rolling tantrum’ and it involves my son rolling out of the naughty corner while crying loudly “I’m rolling! I’m rolling!” as if he has no control over it whatsoever.

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Can a 17 month old completely destroy a bedside lamp? The answer is yes. Yes, they can. In less than 5 minutes. Rather impressive actually.

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This is my bathroom door being cleaned with an electric toothbrush. The excuses my kids come up with to not brush their teeth are astounding and inventive. Not to mention extremely frustrating.

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Because this is what delayed gratification looks like. Nasty.

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The human donkey. Need I say more?

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Because your soap; I feel nothing for it.

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This is me having a good time at a restaurant. Relaxing with two people on top of me.

Toddlers will swiftly promote you to levels far above your competence and way outside of your comfort level. I will always be thankful to mine for teaching me how to be a Mom. Here is to you my two beautiful little people! Cheers!

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